matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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