There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
