When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
