I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i out mim tonsoeep
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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