my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Randomize
