Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
