his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
