You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
