I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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