He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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