I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
