he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
