had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
