Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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