It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Bring me that man meat
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
