the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
