right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
