Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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