guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
hell yes lets make some ravioli
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
