It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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