They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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