FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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