i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
