I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
