I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
