I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
