my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
