At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
