you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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