East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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