It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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