Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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