It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
