We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I bet he comes in French.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize