Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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