Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize