He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
