Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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