You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
