you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Randomize
