I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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