I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
