my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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