So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
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I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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