apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
