her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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