Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
