:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
