i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
