Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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