come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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