I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
