theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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