he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
