The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
