Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
