just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
