spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
